Ten years ago, I was living the life I'd always dreamed would bring me joy. On the outside, it was the picture perfect paradigm of nothing I'd ever experienced as a kid and everything I believed a kid should have in their home. I was a full-on-stay-at-home-mom. I owned my time and happily dedicated it all to my family. Time blessed, I was able to prepare everything we ate from scratch, read tons of books on human development, play games, garden, plan vacations, organize and capture moments I cherished with my camera.
The marriage was ok, not great, but ok enough. Within the first 18 months, we moved into a new home, I fell through the garage ceiling and broke my leg, his Father suddenly died, I lost two pregnancies, and my step-brother was killed on impact after he fell from the roof of the balcony at my Dad's Pub.
With so many painful life experiences in such a short time, it was easy to assign reason to everything that was missing from our marriage. Still, I was committed to working through, standing beside and building a happy home.
Eventually, things became less tragic and the days began to feel peaceful.
Then, one morning I learned of a betrayal that would eventually become my emotional Kambo. First, every bit of my life, body, heart, and soul was poisoned. Then, as with the Kambo treatment, the toxin that made me sick became the ingredient that initiated my healing.
In my poisoned state of being, I kept myself insulted from feeling pain by focusing on my new baby and her sibling. For the next few years, I kept my head down, my heart guarded and my days full of volunteer obligations and social events.
On the outside, my life looked great.
On the inside, I was rotting.
Signs of my unhealthy life began to spill out; frequent migraines, loss of interest in social activities, constant bickering, lots of sleeping and crying. The only joy I felt was when my kids and I were out of the house. When at home, I packed my wounds by shutting down and pushing through.
I was not living, thriving or growing.
Giving all my energy, love, and light to my kids and I was rapidly draining myself dry. Martyring myself was never anything that I wanted to model for my daughters. Indeed it became what I was inadvertently teaching them.
The impact of my decision to give up, give in and push through started to manifest in the choices my kids were making; how they allowed themselves to be treated by peers and how they felt about themselves. Nothing about this was acceptable.
Their self-worth was not a going to become the collateral cost of my existence.
It was time to wake my soul, exfoliate my charred heart and shake the shields off my wings. The time had come to find my voice and spread my wings. Playing small in the nest of dysfunction was no longer an option.
There was no capacity or time for any more of the bullshit stories I told myself about my truth or my worth.
It required moving deep into the dark spaces where I'd carefully hidden many truths from myself. I had to show up, hold space for myself and nurture myself, and listen, accept, honor and integrate my whole story.
My healing has opened my eyes, taught my mind, lifted my soul, expanded my heart and balanced my body. These gifts never imagined have delivered a life approach that has enabled me to feel joy, and live beyond "pushing through."
My life is not without challenges, hurt, disappointment and loss. The difference is that now I operate from a wellspring of self- worth. I am grounded in truth and able to select the boundaries that serve my well-being. This Phoenix has taken flight with healed, wide open and vibrant wings.
You have sole proprietorship of your story; it is worthy of honoring and yours to write. Own it, and you will feel empowered to trust yourself. You already have the power to find your voice, know your truth, integrate your history and write the story you want to live. In your Phoenix Coaching sessions, we will hold sacred space for your well-being and your self-love. My program offers unconditional, private support towards the empowered living you deserve.
Are you ready to fly?
Click the Sessions link to schedule your free consultation.
Much Love To You,
Laura Phoenix Power